Primaflora

Giving flowers to someone is the most awkward thing I would ever do, even to my girlfriend. I haven't given her a single petal since the day we were together.
She used to ask me to give her just one long-stemmed red rose that costs less than thirty pesos. Every month she's begging me for it.
Our anniversary is fast approaching and so i want to surprise her with what she's been asking for. I want her to be happy on that day by giving her much of she wanted. I am a pro when it comes to poker, a game played by the thugs. And so I took a bet on one of the best player in a certain casino. I won the game; I won big. But it did not ended well. He was not a man of his words. He bet a big amount of cash and didn't give me what I deserve to get. I threw the first punch when I realize she was at the entrance. I paused for a moment wondering how did she know i was here. Then suddenly he ran towards her and grabbed her threatening her life with his shining small knife. That pimp had his ally knocked me out of my consciousness as I heard her scream for help.
At the moment i returned to my cognizance, the pain was on the edge to hurt me more. An eerie feeling made my spine chill. Her mother was at the bedside, looking pale and doesn't seem want to talk. She silently delivered me to a place with no identification. Perplexed, i really have no idea what was I doing in that creepy place. A man called me up and led me to a chamber. I can feel my knees wobble like gelatin when in saw her there lying flat, cold, and breathless. And the trace of blood blotted the clothe that covered her face.
Today is our supposedly 3rd anniversary. I know it's too long for me to wait to face her. I'm now standing in front of a marble where her name was carved; where she sleeps endlessly; where our dreams and promises were buried. Our memories and reveries are flashing back in my mind. And in my hand, I am holding the first flower that i would give her. I hope she'll like it.

right-est thing to do...

is to save my poems in this blog...
is to remember my username (moron!)
is to think straighter
is to study psychia
is to remain in my sanity despite of the "adncfhuioheruf" skeds.
is to sleep after this...

gudnytie!!!

Anhedonia

sitting at the end of a four-poster bed
looking at your eyelashes
locking your eyes to sleep
snoring your restlessness away

naked and cold, i cried
i'm a hopeless romantic soul
waiting for your return
from the one who owned you

i'm down on my knees
begging for you to leave.
after this body rush,
forget me, forget everything

wake up from your dream
turn yout back from our fantasies
it's no use in loving me
for the love of making love out of me

i'm tired, i'm helpless
i'm sick of living a lie
i'm sick of living this life
i'm going... Goodbye.

Ignoring

i used to ignore this feeling
believing it's all in my head
you gave me something
that made me doubt me in keeping it.
you had me faltered
we were quixotically engaged
i'm running in circles
looking for an escape
i can't help myself from missing you
though you caused me pain
all my aches and screams turned to sigh
and all my laughter stopped as i began to cry
how i wish forgetting you
is as easy as how you entered my life.

By Means Of/ Nothing

i've been thinking about my life with or without you.
i've been sorting myself where would i be with or without you.
i've been reviewing my life since the day i'm with and without you.
i've been living my life with and without you.
i've been happy every time i'm with or without you.
i've been crying since the day i'm with and without you.
i've been losing my sleep since the day i'm with or without you.
i've been driving myself insane when i'm with or without you.
i've been dying since my life is living with or without you.
but if the life i live makes no sense whether i'm with or without you,
then i'd rather choose to live my life with you.

BLURRY

have you ever noticed
how much i tried to hold on
though the thought of you
is not making me strong.

have you ever noticed
that i tried not to give in
though i want to give you up
and these feelings within

have you ever noticed
that your smile makes me cry
though you never seem to notice
that i wanted to say goodbye.

i'm sooo bored

im just bored.
that's all.
thanks for reading this piece of something.
it's just a random thought...
a flight of idea...

=)