I HATE YOU DEAN'S SECRETARY!!!!

I HATE YOU TO DEATH!!!! YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I ALMOST BROKE UP WITH MY BEAU AND THE SOLE REASON WHY WE DIDN'T GET THE CHANCE TO CELEBRATE OUR 3RD ANNIVERSARY TODAY!!!!!
FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU!!!!!
and oh...

GHED IM SO ANGRY!!!!

I thought I could curse my course... but nevermind

It's so frustrating to see how we suffered from financial instability. And no matter how noble my course is; and no matter how high my future employees would pay me in my future job, I still feel helpless. I can't stand hearing them complaining where did our monthly allowance go. Receiving roughly 20K per month with 2-5 persons in this household isn't enough. For my lola alone, we have to spend for her check-ups, pricey medications and laboratory tests, and for us, the groceries and other miscellaneous. These are crucial things. And it's becoming more difficult now that we pawned most of our jewelries and they are pending to be redeemed or renewed this month. Plus me, I have to prepare for a costly printings on my exhibit forms as I UN-enthusiastically prepare for the upcoming review for our PNL Exam on December. At one moment, I feel like I really want to give up. 'Cause if I could, I would have just stop pursuing this rubbish preparations and get myself a job. I want to earn and then enroll myself in a course that I've been dying to take when I was in high school. It is my frustration now. But then I always end up blaming myself for being too obedient to them that I gave up my dream and my brilliant plan (that's what I thought before). Nevertheless, I also blame them for setting such high expectations even I couldn't imagine if I can make it. I suck at making decisions for myself, that's why they just boss me around, dictating me to do this and that. They even want to rule my own happiness. I mean, kulang nalang sila ang maghahanap ng mapapangasawa ko. I don't want that to happen. I'm so happy with my partner now.And so, now that I'm unemployed, unhappy with what's happening in our lives, and almost in the verge of giving up, how can they patch it up and make me happy again? [minus the lovelife. I'm in charge with my lovelife]. I can't just live with their promises that being a nurse (someday) would make me happy. Do you think that filling up a patient's chart, preparing meds, and doing nursing procedure makes me the happiest person on earth? I may be satisfied, but not happy. I could give them a happy and wealthy life without making myself suffer. *i think i just stabbed myself* *dropsdead*

I want Mass Communication. If only I had taken it before, I don't have to do loads of typing stuff, chasing clinical instructors, queuing in offices, traveling to provincial hospital just for an effin' signature and when you get back in the city, you realized you put the dot (.) in wrong places and have it edited and reprinted, then getting reprimands from the dean. In Mass Comm., after graduating, all you have to do is prepare to claim your transcript of records and authenticated diploma, prepare loads of resume and GET A JOB!!!!

*SLAPS MYSELF*

a little hate letter to the royal b*tchy-ness

Dear Royal B*tch,

I guess it's enough to say that being b*tch is likewise being dumb. You think you're so perfect. You think you're too above others. You're so full of yourself. Stop making that stolen shot a big deal. Besides I already warned you that I'll get even with you and post something worse than what you posted the last time. You just laughed at it and did not take it seriously. Well, I'm sorry if you're that dumb that you didn't see the signs coming. You see, I have the (Clarion's) camera most of the time and I can get the ugliest mug shot of your face. You should not get mad cause right now we're even. I don't really care about the rantings I received from you. If you say I'm mean, you should've known before. I already gave you the simplest condition to delete your so-called "ghastly photos". You didn't do it, therefore i won't either. That's being fair, right? You're too conscious about what other people would say to you on that photo when they've been already talking about you worse than the comments you receive. Don't you like that? You are being loved *sarcastic smile*

Remember this, if you can't accept what you are in a stolen shot photo, therefore, you don't like yourself as well. In portraits, what you're showing in the camera is not what you really are. If I got a stolen shot pic, I have to deal with it and remember that it's me. So for you, Royal B*tchiness, DEAL WITH IT! I have no plan of deleting your mug shot unless you do what I told you *evil grin*. You know it's so simple. So don't be dumb, you dumb b*tch!

little letters for the bunch of users

I'm making this post out of impulse and disappointment. After days and more days of pressure for compiling my certificates of attendance and appreciation for several  seminars I had attended in and out of school, I received an unfair share of reward.

Dear guy who got it all:

Congratulations! (*flashing a sarcastic smile*)
Tell me I'm being too self-absorbed or too selfish, but I was the one who made most of the efforts to give you certifications you needed for you to have that piece of scented paper and a junked medal. In fact you barely knew what were those stuff I contributed until I told you one day. But I'm not holding any grudges to you now.

Dear Sir who inconsistently-supporting-personnel-who-boasts-his-name-on-a-mere-green-plastic-board,

I don't think you deserve to be the head of that department when you don't know how to define CLEAR MECHANICS and not even supporting us with our needs. Hey! we're students too. I wonder why you came back to being an arrogant sloth.

Dear Ma'am-I-should-have-been-selfish-not-to-share-my-certifications-with-you,

I guess it's my fault after all because I thought I could help your "son". And indeed, i just did help him. Boohoo to me :(( Just because you're his mom and you have one of the highest ranked job in this school, it doesn't mean you have to do everything, even delegating the things to me that your "son" is suppose to do.

Dear disappointment,

nakarami kana ngayong araw ha. I've had enough of you. If only you were concrete, I would have mocked you.

Dear users,

stop using people... they're not things.


still grudging on you until tomorrow,

doby >:[

getting overboard

I may not be your mother, nor your older sis. I'm not even your girlfriend who has the right to reprimand you in every mistakes you do. I like you GUYS because you're my classmates, my friends, you're funny and you give life to a boring class. But sometimes, you never noticed that you've gone across your limit that you get too annoying and offensive to others. You sometimes become a nuisance; your behaviors are just intolerable. If I would given a chance, (i think this is already my chance) I would definitely annoy you. But I don't think that the way I would annoy you won't annoy you just a bit. However, you still deserve to be played on your faces... LITERALLY. Here's for you...

The guys whose faces were covered, you're not really involved here. You're faces were just covered for protection :D

So this is what I'm saying... I think you look good. This may not be very annoying or offensive to you, i don't really care...

oh, forget it!

forget what i said about perfect relationship has flaws. i kinda agree to that but not this time.
just before i officially ended my day in the outside world, he's just too kind to ruin it! GED!

my kind of perfect relationship ♥

photo from here

do you know what makes relationship perfect?

~a lover's quarrel that can be resolved within a day.

yeah... i found our relationship perfect because it has flaws in it.

you can't say a relationship is perfect because they don't fight.

lovers have to fight over something sometimes.

what's important is that they have to resolve it before the day ends....

sweet treat: after you reconcile, have an ice cream! ♥

kinsay DEFENSIVE?!

"watch your mouth, honey. you don't know what you mean..."

what is so defensive about admitting my own fault because im being irresponsible. when i'm telling the truth, is it defensive? i thought being defensive is like " devoted to resisting or preventing aggression or attack"(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/defensive). i just thought recently, do you even know what defensive means? perhaps, NO!

i am defenseless. i am honest enough not to become so "defensive". and who are you to say that to me when you are the one who's being so defensive.

scene 1: at the locker...

you: "na unsa diay ka, dob?" (with your sarcastic, as-if-you're-concerned voice)
me: (in a very low, almost quiet, whispered voice) nabilin nako akong cap and mask :c
you: (in an uber loud voice that echoed almost throughout the OR) AI! NABILIN DIAY IMONG CAP AND MASK?! (still having that sarcastic voice)
me: unsa man ka?! mao nang dili k ganahan sa imo kay di li ka mapagkatiwalaan!
you: "aw!" (again, in a loud pitched tone) "nabilin jud diay imong cap and mask?"
me: bwisit ka man. nigara pud ka! ingnag ayawg saba, kusgon pod ang tingog. ever, dili jud tika mapagkatiwalaan samot na sa mga secrets! (walk out!)

scene 2: students' lounge...

you: unsaon man na nimo? naa bya si Ma'am A. basi masakpan ka. (sarcasm noted)
me: (with my disposable cap and mask) sige lang, naingnan na man pud nako si Sir A. kabalo na siya. gihatagan na gani ko niya ani [pointing to my cap].
you: unya kung si Ma'am A. ang makakita sa imo?
me: sige lang. hulaton ko lang na masakpan ko niya.
you: (with that pleading tone) sige lang, masakpan lang japon ka (and your face is uber evil!)
me: (with dignified voice ^^) bahala nag masakpan ko ni Mam, basta siya ang nakakita sa ako. kesa naman nang masakpan ko kay tungod sa mga estudyanteng sigeg tabi, skandalosa.
you: NGANONG DEFENSIVE MAN KAAYO KA?!
me: (controlling my temper with what she just said) i'm not being defensive. honest lang ko. dili defensive ang tawag ana. (while walking out) ...basa-basa pud ug dictionary ui!

sharing these with my friends, they are just laughing. they never expected that she could utter such word not even knowing what it means or why she's saying it.

we used to be in the same group but there's no spirit within it. it's so lame that your groupmate would plead "masakpan lang japon ka!" i don't know if i deserve to be in this group or she should be exiting this kind of manner and make me feel like i'm [art of the group. nagsalig siguro siya na kagrupo sila dati sa akong mga kagrupo karon, she would act superior like she's the boss. that's a BIG NO-NO to me. she can talk and yell if she wants to, but i would never allow her to say such things to me when she's describing herself.

honey, you're soooo boorish!!

**i wanted to post this thought after our OR duty but i just can't get hold of our computer :C

curse you!!!

i curse all the computer viruses in the world that has done NO GOOD in our computers. bullshit!!!

after the hugs and kisses...

we fought...

and i chased after him...


then eventually made-up...

yet i'm uncertain...as always...

she's coming clean

"no matter how virgin her moves are, she remains what she always is"

she is such a bitch. i loathe her for now. well, i always do but she's my friend and i also care for her. i sometimes get bossy... err, most of the time, i mean. that may be the reason why we don't get along sometimes. i just hate how her narrow mind thinks. laughs at the most senseless stuff. let's say his crush went inside the CR, she laughs. how pathetic.

bitch, can you just get hold of yourself. you come to us to seek for help and you don't listen. no doubt why others sometimes make fun of you, including me (^.^). you don't know what you're doing nor thinking. it would always be useless if you won't listen to our opinions. it would help you though.

but as of now, i loathe
loathing,loathing,loathing,loathing,loathing,loathing,loathing,loathing......

ssshhhh. hilom na!

"just shut up and..."

i love arguments but i just get sick fighting my right to whatever i feel. it's like i don't have the right to feel any angst against my boo. he's just pissing the hell out of me. i don't know why small fights just keep getting bigger when the two of us does not talk anyway. i just shut myself up and keep it all in me and probably say "yeah, whatever". it hurts me when we argue. it seems to me to be like our last fight and then... gone. i fear that.

is there something wrong when i ask him to go inside the campus and go straight to our office to meet me? none of i could think of. then why can't he just do it?! he's mad at me because i didn't go out when he asked me. i already informed him that i had lots of things to do here, so why don't he just come over here? the next thing i knew he's on his way home. and he did not wait for me! it just pissed me off! i'm always pissed off almost everyday. and it's all because of him!

HONESTLY, I'M MAD RIGHT NOW! and crying...

i don't want this fight would lead us to something undesirable. it would be best if he could just apologize to me. it's his fault after all. that 's' word is not harmful for him to say.

ship-wreck

ANGST

He left me
Standing stiff and still,
Drenched under the rain
Disguising the tears
Rolling down my cheeks.
My eyes sored,
Red and flaming.
I bit my lip,
Regretting the kiss
He marked on it
Before he made me
Embraced goodbye.
I can do nothing now.
I can't even punch the air.
My fingers are still curled
Into a fist.
I can't move.
I stood here frozen.
Cold. Mad. Blinded.

REGRET

I walked away

After I kissed her.

No turning back

Just to see her cry

Under the rain.

I left her for nothing;

It's a wrong choice

To choose. So wrong.

I can't dare to change

my mind, really.

I am scared.

I'm not brave enough

To say I'm sorry.

I can't even puch the air

But my fingers are in a fist.

I walked on.

I can't look back.

I'm numb. Cold.

Lost and gone.

i'm a day-wrecking masochist!

give this day a 'HELL YEAH!!!' who could've thought i actually ruined my beau's day... he is supposed to eat at picobello with his groupmates after a 3-strenuous-days of duty in the hospital. i was, yes, invited by his groupmate-- the one who will treat them (and me). my boo told me to go inside, and i went in. out of the blue, i justfind myself walking outside by the sight of his groupmates making orders. i don't know what' has gotten into me. he went after me and asked what's wrong.. nothing seemed right to come out of my mouth...

nahihiya ako sa kanila eh, tawagin mo nalang si nuevo(the treater^^,)sya dapat magyaya sa kin. kasi nakakahiya naman kung ikaw yung nagyayaya sakin tapos di naman ikaw yung nagbabayad, yung ibang tao pa..."

i just realized nothing's wrong with me... maybe it's his fault. he just can't take the shame.. hmmm.. i was suddenly surprised when i saw him coming out from the resto with his back pack... we don't have to stay longer cuz i'm pretty tired with our conversation. and the look of his face is a cliche, i mean i know what he means "good,-you-just-ruined-my-day". as we walked along the road, he just made the most, probably the guiltiest (what's the difference?) girl ever walked the bonifacio street. with tears streaming down my cheeks, i tried to explain and tell him what he should have done... i bet he's stupid... but still i claimed it my fault. hurting myself is my ART... i just won the (look at the picture.. -.-)


whatever... i just accept pain... nothing can cure it except the one who caused.

Take 2 No More

no more second chances
and i've ran out of patience
i waited, i just grew tired
i'm in my senses now
there's no turning back
i'm moving on

i've been down on my knees
begging for you
but you never came
you're preocccupied with your jerky friends
and rather spend time with them

few years passed
you needed me still
you said your life has been incomplete
since the day i left
wait a moment, who left?
you can turn the world
but you cannot turn me
i just want to be happy
and i am what i wanted

i never have to kiss you goodbye
cuz you've been long gone
and i will never say hello
to a love that never was.

liar!

you don't have to lie about your password.
your kinda make me lose my trust for you.
you said that you already forget her.
how can you,if you're still using her name for your protection?
it makes me sick just thinking of it...