It's so frustrating to see how we suffered from financial instability. And no matter how noble my course is; and no matter how high my future employees would pay me in my future job, I still feel helpless. I can't stand hearing them complaining where did our monthly allowance go. Receiving roughly 20K per month with 2-5 persons in this household isn't enough. For my lola alone, we have to spend for her check-ups, pricey medications and laboratory tests, and for us, the groceries and other miscellaneous. These are crucial things. And it's becoming more difficult now that we pawned most of our jewelries and they are pending to be redeemed or renewed this month. Plus me, I have to prepare for a costly printings on my exhibit forms as I
UN-enthusiastically prepare for the upcoming review for our PNL Exam on December. At one moment, I feel like I really want to give up. 'Cause if I could, I would have just stop pursuing this rubbish preparations and get myself a job. I want to earn and then enroll myself in a course that I've been dying to take when I was in high school. It is my frustration now. But then I always end up blaming myself for being too obedient to them that I gave up my dream and my brilliant plan
(that's what I thought before). Nevertheless, I also blame them for setting such high expectations even I couldn't imagine if I can make it. I suck at making decisions for myself, that's why they just boss me around, dictating me to do this and that. They even want to rule my own happiness. I mean,
kulang nalang sila ang maghahanap ng mapapangasawa ko. I don't want that to happen.
I'm so happy with my partner now.And so, now that I'm unemployed, unhappy with what's happening in our lives, and almost in the verge of giving up, how can they patch it up and make me happy again? [minus the lovelife. I'm in charge with my lovelife]. I can't just live with their promises that being a nurse (someday) would make me happy. Do you think that filling up a patient's chart, preparing meds, and doing nursing procedure makes me the happiest person on earth? I may be satisfied, but not happy. I could give them a happy and wealthy life without making myself suffer. *
i think i just stabbed myself* *dropsdead*
I want Mass Communication. If only I had taken it before, I don't have to do loads of typing stuff, chasing clinical instructors, queuing in offices, traveling to provincial hospital just for an effin' signature and when you get back in the city, you realized you put the dot (.) in wrong places and have it edited and reprinted, then getting reprimands from the dean. In Mass Comm., after graduating, all you have to do is prepare to claim your transcript of records and authenticated diploma, prepare loads of resume and GET A JOB!!!!
*SLAPS MYSELF*
