growing older

this was me then...

this is me now... with CaBy
actually, i'm confused whether to be happy or not. i can't imagine i'm getting older and bigger (literally). why can't i just give my two years of age away and stop counting at 18? i asked myself, is getting older makes me happy? neh, it's up to them. all decisions are up to THEM. i'm twenty and growing, still i can't manage to decide for myself; cuz every time i do, i always end up a failure.

all my life i lived in this hosue for twenty years now and i did not get the chance to sneak out of here. i can only go out with my friends (for social whatever) for about... uhm... less than ten fingers on my hand. good thing there are some projects, manuscripts and errands to do at school where i can squeeze in my time to hang-out. it's like i'm getting older yet i don't have the freedom to be me. i just left my teenage years (an age with a -teen at the end of every number) and all i can say is that there's no ME. the only chance where i can be free is when i'm alone? i'm not sure but i think i am.
all i want is freedom (when you can do anything that makes you happy without breaking any rules and not hurting other's feelings... sounds difficult). good thing college isn't harsh to me when it comes to time...err, to spend it with my colleagues and pals.

i sent a text message to few of my friends who knew that it's my beedae today. and it went like this: "how am i supposed to celebrate this day when getting older is not enough to make me happy?" (spelings r n txt)

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some misfortunes just happened today, and it did't made my day:
> an unannounced transport strike, which paralyzed the public vehicles to take a trip.
> i left my pinkbook which left me no choice but to go back home and fetch it. i spent my baon for an airconditioned taxi. GED!
> as i left the house, no PUJ passed the street and the strikers were pissing me off. again, i have no choice but to ride a habal-habal (a motorcycle good for 2 persons only). i can see my lola's eyes widened when she saw me hopping on that vehicle. *peace*


anyway, there are reasons that made me smile today:
> i am cleared in all my balances in school *hurray!*
> my mom sent money for my make-up duties... *sorry, ma, but i really have to pressure you*
> cawi gave me a dozen of pink flowers (i love pink when it is given, not bought) and a bearhuggs (i named it CaBy, the one i was hugging in the picture). not much of the color, but i'm accidentally in love with green.

and by the way...happy birthday!